Healthy Protection versus Defence

There is often a fine line between healthy self protection and the reactive trauma response of defense. As a child if we experience shock and trauma and we are not soothed and nurtured by our peers then this  trauma if repeated or intense can become an inbuilt defence mechanism. The well known  Byron Katie always says  “defence is the first act of war”. What this means is that the energy of defence brings us into a conflict state within ourselves and others, it creates a duality of wrong and right, of good and bad. Every time we become triggered this programmed response which is stored unconsciously goes into defence. When we start to heal, we need to go beneath the defence to discover what is being protected, and what needs to be felt and understood . From here we can begin to defuse the need to be in a defensive state. This however does not mean we drop all protection as we may discover than in our need for protection, we learn how to  create healthy boundaries and avoid conflict which is often common when defense is at play Our journey to discover who we are and understand what makes us tick is a crucial experience to start to separate our traumas from our boundaries. Then we start to understand the difference between reaction and response. For example, one may discover that watching scary movies was once manageable but now becomes too much. Is it that we have become more sensitive and now are in touch with the impact of the movies? On the path of healing we begin to feel more and thus begin to choose what we surround ourselves with, who and what environments. The need to defence comes from a core wound of feeling unsafe in the world. Safety lies in the root chakra and is formed in developmental ages of 0-7 years old, this is the period where we learn about survival, safety and nurturing. If during this stage our safety was compromised, we can default to an unsafe space very quickly. To cope we create all sorts of survival patterns. The main categories for this are in the Flight, Fight or Freeze response. All trauma responses manifest in different expressions. Getting to know how you are responding in a triggered state can start to bring you into awareness of where you feel unsafe in life, how to begin to communicate with others and how to take some steps to nurture, protect and soothe your inner child. Defence feels automatic, it happens quicker than we have time to process, protection comes more from a considered, processed state. To rewire our programming, we often find we are out of balance. We have no sense of healthy boundaries, self-love and self-limitations and yet can fly off the handle over something seemingly small. Healthy Protection • Boundaries. • Nurturing/Self- love. • Knowing Self Limitations. New programming • It’s safe to relax • You are never alone • No-One can put out your light • Nothing is ever personal The next time you react with the program of defence take some time after to sit with it, start to feel into what was really going on . Ask yourself how would it look to have responded differently and what protection do I need to put in place to avoid this repeating. You may even find you don’t need protection but to have a conversation to start to unpack whats going on . We all need help and support in our lives if we want to grow strong and heal . Finding a therapist who can help you work through this is never a bad idea.